A SMELL THAT HAUNTED ME

For a week now, I have not been able to open the windows in my house due to the terrible odor that would come into the house. It was something I had never smelled before and would never want to again. I had no idea what the hell it was but as I left the back door and went towards the lane it got worse. I was halfway to the lane and I was already dry heaving. It was one of those smells that would get into your brain and not leave.  I tried holding my breath long enough to get my car out of the garage and close the garage door again but I could not do it. I actually spent more time then I wanted to as I was now puking on my knees.

My neighbor had passed away and his sons were cleaning out his house, his yard and his garage in order to take care of the will and sell the property. The man had been a hoarder for years and his house and garage were in a bad state of neglect. The son told me that in the garage he had found a freezer that was no longer working. When he opened it he had discovered that it was full of decaying meat with no access to oxygen and was undisturbed for who knows how long. When he opened the freezer he was immediately sickened by the stench. He closed the lid and had to air out the garage for over a day before doing and more work in it. When it was all done he hired a company that removes bodies for police agencies and funeral homes etc. He had made a deal with them as he was a cop and they were going to move the whole freezer for him without opening the lid. He said they also had a chemical to deal with the odors. This was going to take place on Friday morning and apparently it did. This is when I was hit with the foulest stench I had ever smelled in my lifetime. I could not understand what had gone wrong. I looked in the lane when I was driving my car and it seemed like there was a water stain that flowed the whole length of the lane and dried from evaporation. It looked like a giant bloodstain on a stove top or counter top. I had convinced myself that the professionals had not done this job and it was done under the cloak of darkness. I assumed this rotting sludge was drained into the lane and left to dry by itself. I tried contacted those son but there was no answer all week so now I became even more suspicious. For a person who had been around every night for two weeks, to disappear, added to the mystery. When I got home from work today I was informed by my wife that she had seen the cop today and he informed her of what had happened. Apparently the men from first call were pissed right off. For the little amount of money they got for the job they said they could not get the smell out of their vehicle. It was on everything including the steering wheel. It turns out as they were picking the freezer up to put it in the van, the bottom of the freezer broke away and this stuff splashed everywhere and ran down the lane. It was in their truck and on their clothes. My wife then told me she saw some men out there that morning in a funny van. It was a square looking van and the two men had blue uniforms on. She said they were stopped by the neighbor’s garage and appeared to be trying to put something in the van when all of sudden one of the men yelled out FUCKKKKKKKK. He then started yelling at his partner and appeared to want to walk home rather than ride. I can only imagine his clothes smelled so badly he did not want to get into the truck or perhaps the truck smelled so badly he did not want to ride in it. Well this all explains this mystery and the smell that haunted me for a week. I now can be happy that all I had to do was keep the windows in my house closed and walk to work a different way. For a week I left from the front door and would not walk down the lane. I also parked my car on the street and not my garage but now I feel sorry for the two guys that came to help move that freezer.

FAVORITE PICS OF THE DAY

The Scent of A MAN?

I remember a time when big name stores had 8 story buildings in the Heart of a City. One could choose from at least 10 sets of doors to enter these behemoth buildings and we all had our favorite entrances and favorite places to meet family and friends.

I used to always pick a door that was the farthest from the perfume departments as these areas would literally take my breath away. You had people from every age generation and every walk of life trying on different perfumes and fragrances. Some had the intention of buying perfume for themselves or as gifts for those they loved and there were others just spraying some on because they could never afford the price. All in all it just made the air in those areas toxic for people with asthma or respiratory conditions.

In today’s world this has all changed. The new norm are malls and box stores so there is only one way out.

Have you ever noticed that in order to enter a big store now, you have no alternative but to walk right through this toxic wasteland. The only way to get to the part of the store you need to get to is to hold your breath and walk as fast as possible.

Today I was taken by surprise. I came to one of these stores in a Mall and was trying to time my last breath before the fast walk.

As I walked through this perfume heaven, I noticed men walking towards me all sniffing pieces of paper, lost in some trance, and smiling. What the hell was this weird twisted behavior. I had to keep going or run out of breath and just as I was almost through this nightmare a voice distracts me from my goal.

I have to breathe now, and I am agitated. I say pardon me to this Juan Valdez looking man and he says again in his foreign accent, “ Would you like to smell the fragrance of a Man?” In my agitated state I respond, “ No Thank you, I would rather smell women.” He looks at me all confused and I hurry on my way. When I reach a place where the air is breathable I come to my senses and realize what was going on. I can only assume Juan Valdez was with a perfume company and was trying to sell a new product. The men that were sniffing little pieces of paper were probably given these samples to sniff by Juan Valdez.  I felt stupid now but for guys like me that always avoided perfume sections of stores how would I know that men were just as interested perfumes as women. But in all honesty there has to be a better way of asking men to test men’s perfumes on their olfactory senses then by asking them that funny question, “WOULD YOU LIKE TO SMELL THE FRAGRANCE OF A MAN” That would make anyone run through this department.

HEY KIDS YOU CAN RUN AWAY FROM A CRIME SCENE JUST LIKE YOUR HERO

CLASSIC 1979 COMIC BOOK AD

IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME- SEE YOU IN THE BUNKERS

WHERE ARE THE CEREAL TOYS

What has happened to the toys and great prizes that used to be in cereal? I was walking down the cereal aisle the other day and I couldn’t find one box that had a prize in it. When I was a kid almost every cereal box had some kind of prize in it.

I remember

ACTION FIGURES

TRADING CARD OF SPORTS AND MOVIES – I STILL HAVE THE 3D HOCKEY CARDS AND MINI HOCKEY CARDS ON A WHOLE SHEET WITH THE ENTIRE TEAM FROM POST CEREALS 

LITTLE PLASTIC FIGURES FROM MOVIE AND TV (WINNIE THE POO) THAT WENT ON THE END OF YOUR PENCIL. THERE WERE ALSO BIG PENCIL HOLDERS THAT WERE FROM THE DISNEY MOVIE “THE BLACK HOLE”

LITTLE MINI BUSTS OF HOCKEY PLAYERS

LITTLE STAR TREK HEADS + MINIATURE STAR SHIPS

LITTLE DISCS THAT HAD PICTURES OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF AIRPLANES – SOME HAD HOCKEY PICS- SOME WERE OF THE BAND “THE MONKEYS”.

SOME CEREALS CHEAPED OUT AND MADE YOU CUT THE CARDS AND PICTURES RIGHT OFF THE BOX ITSELF. SOME MADE YOU COLLECT BOX TOPS AND MAIL AWAY FOR THE PRIZE. THOSE WERE USUALLY GOOD ONES. EVEN NESTLE QUICK HAD SOME COOL 3D TRADING CARDS OF STAR CONSTELLATIONS AND ANIMALS.  RED ROSE TEA HAD THE GLASS FIGURES OF ANIMALS AND FAIRY TALES- ALSO A HUGE ARRAY OF MINI CARDS OF ANIMALS OF THE WORLD, BIRDS- A WHOLE BUNCH. CRACKER JACK HAD MOSTLY 3D ANIMAL AND INSECT CARDS. EVEN PEANUT BUTTER HAD HOCKEY CARDS UNDER THE LID.

I used to beg my mother to buy cereal just so I could get the prize. I had no intention of eating the cereal but I promised her I would. As soon as I got home I would rip that box open- take out the toy and put that box on the shelf where it would sit until my mother threw it out. I eventually had to eat a few token bowls to prove my sincerity. Then I would just slowly throw out the cereal until the box was empty. I still have most of the toys I collected. My kids don’t know what they are missing out on. The great prize hunt was one of my favourite memories.  Those were the days.

PIC OF THE DAY - CURSED WEDDING

HOW CAN THIS COUPLE LAST