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Thursday, January 27, 2011

THOSE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS

I put allot of things together- bikes, toys, Ikea crap, furniture, bookcases -etc.  I always follow the instructions. The problem is 99.9 times out of 100 the instructions are flawed. Its either the people who make them are morons or they are just trying to screw with you.  They throw in extra pieces, mislabel pieces, put pieces from other projects, and probably other odds and ends from the workplace they happen to find. I once found a spark plug mixed in with a swing set.  Sometimes the steps are mixed up. Nothing makes me madder than reaching STEP 5 only to realize STEP 1 is backwards.  #$%!  Worst of all - your almost complete and something breaks.  Then you have to make a decision
 
A.  take the whole *&%%##@ thing apart, put it back in the box ( impossible ) and drag the crappy thing back to the store, making the last two hours of your your life null and void.
OR
B. grab the crazy glue, duct tape, and jiffy marker - and fix that mess and shove it in a dimly lit corner before your wife sees it. Because if she sees it guaranteed your going to plan A.
Me being of the lazy sort I always choose B.
I think women are the ones responsible for all the instruction and their master plan is to make men feel inferior.
I THINK ITS A GLOBAL CONSPIRACY
OR
I JUST PLAIN CANT READ
EITHER WAY I'M PISSED.

NOTE - "don't hold a cordless drill between your legs while your trying to steady a shelf." those drill bits are sharp and I have the hole completely through my foot to prove it.

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