CRAZY CUSTOMERS AT BILL’S VIDEO

CRAZY CUSTOMERS AT BILL’S VIDEO

I used to work at Bill’s video in the 90’s. It’s now bankrupt and gone. It was a crappy job with a crappy boss- but it was loads of fun and great co-workers. Here are some memorable customer moments. I remember this one guy who was always rude and ignorant every time he came in, the guy was a total dick. One day he comes in with crutches- he had broken his ankle. He asks to use the bathroom. There was no public bathroom, just our staff bathroom. We told him there was none so he begged to use ours- it was an “emergency”. We didn’t want to because he was such a prick- but he had crutches so we gave him a break.  After he’s done and leaves the store I went to the back for something. I look in the bathroom and it’s a disaster. There was shit and piss all over the seat and the toilet was plugged up- It was disgusting. We had to clean it up. The next day he comes in again with another emergency. I said “no you can’t the bathrooms broken”. He says “I just need to piss” and begs and pleads with me. I got fed up and said “Look – you shit all over the place yesterday you’re not using it again”.  He get mad- tells me to fuck off and starts to leave – moving pretty fast on his crutches. Now to exit you had to take a sharp corner around the front desk that led to two big glass windows at the exit. He was crutching so fast around the corner he lost his balance and started to fall forwards. Now here is the funny part. He couldn’t stop himself from falling because he couldn’t let go of the crutches. He fell face first into the giant window on an angle. His face hit the glass and skidded all the way down making that squeaking sound. Then he hit the floor. He laid there for a second- got up and hopped his ass out the door. We never laughed so loud- and we never saw him again.

I remember another customer who happens to be a Pastor. He always brought back movies demanding his money back because the movies were damaged. These were the days of VHS tapes. When your VCR was broken and you tried to play a movie in it, it would rip or warp the tape inside. You could see the damaged on the screen as it happened when you tried to watch the movie.  We kept records of brought back and damaged tapes. Movie that he rented always came back damaged that were fine for the last customer. We decided to finally say something about it. I was very nice and not rude about it. I said to him I think there might be something wrong with your VCR because they are only damaged after you rent them. He immediately got defensive and angry- telling me I was a liar and he’s a pastor and wouldn’t do such a thing. I said I know you’re not doing it on purpose it’s your VCR.  He completely lost it. He started screaming at me and shaking his fist. He finished yelling at me and said “IM NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN- HERE’S YOUR DAMN CARD”.  He pulls out his membership card and he starts to try to rip it in half. Our cards were laminated and quite thick – unless you were Superman you ain’t gonna rip that card. He still kept trying- getting more and more mad. He wrestled with that card a good 30 seconds before he lost it again and threw it in my face. He stormed out and we never saw him again. I’m glad I didn’t go to his church.

MORE THINGS I REMEMBER AS A KID

My mother was terrified of thunderstorms. When one started the whole house shut down.

 You couldn’t look out the window (the metal window frame attracts lightning so it could be hit and kill you).

You couldn’t talk on the phone (lightning could hit the telephone wire – travel through the line to the phone and kill you).

Worst of all the TV got shut off (again, lightning could hit the antennae travel through the cord- explode the TV and kill you).  That was the worst because I was a TV addict.

No shower or baths- don’t even touch the water taps (water conducts electricity you know – fry you for sure).

My buddy Jeff told me his mom was even worse. He wasn’t even allowed to pet the cat during a thunderstorm. (you know how when you pet a cat and you sometimes get tiny static shocks- I guess during thunderstorms it gets amplified enough to kill you).

OH – THOSE DOWNTOWN BUS TRIPS

OH – THOSE DOWNTOWN BUS TRIPS

When I was younger my mother and I would hop on the bus and go downtown. We usually went shopping or to a movie. My highlight of the trip for me was to go to “THE METROPOLITAN” for lunch. The “MET” was half store half 1950’s soda shop – it was awesome. It was like stepping back in time. It had a snake like counter with big red stools. They had the best fries I’ve ever had. We would go to the Bay, Eatons, and the old classic theatres to watch movies. What did all these have in common - They were all on the “SOUTH” side of Portage. The “NORTH” side of Portage was off limits. You only went on that side if you wanted to get stabbed, shot, or murdered. (According to my mom).I always thought she was paranoid but looking back it kinda was true. Does anybody remember “THE FAMILY HAMBURGER HOUSE”?    If there were 10 stabbings in the city, 9 of them happened at the family hamburger house.   When we rode the bus – it stopped on the north side and we had to move our asses to cross the street to safety.  Even the bus trips had their dangers. One particular trip was an eye opener for me. I remember this incident very clearly. We were on the bus when it made a stop and picked up a drunk. The drunk started an argument with the bus driver because the bus didn’t go down the street he was going to. They were yelling back and forth at each other. My mom was getting a little antsy. All of a sudden the drunk pulls out a knife from his jacket- I was immediately grabbed and shoved under our seat by my mom. I could still see everything from under the seat. The bus driver and drunk started wrestling and fighting right at the front of the bus. The fight only lasted a couple of minutes when the bus driver got the upper hand and tossed this piece of crap out the front door head first and quickly shut the door. The bus driver sat down in his chair and tilted the big mirror to see his face. I could see his face in the mirror – I don’t know if he got cut with the knife but his face was all covered in blood. The bus was dead silent. The bus driver picked up his radio and called dispatch about what happened. He then wiped the blood off his face- turned around and asked if everybody was ok. The whole bus started to clap and cheer. He then continued on his route making all the stops. This guy should have gotten the bus driver/hero/ass kicker of the year award.

Another trip downtown on the bus involved another drunk. He got on the bus and sat in the seat right in front of us. All of a sudden he starts moaning and groaning and starts puking his guts out on the floor. I remember seeing the puke splatter back under our seat. My feet didn’t reach the floor but my mom’s did. She got puke all over her shoes. She was not happy. We both got up and went to sit down at the front of the bus.

I also had a bus window right beside me shatter – covering me in little pieces of glass. I did not get cut or anything – just annoyed. No wonder I hate the bus.

THAT’S NOT MUSTARD !!!!!

The year 1976  - I was 8

I was out playing with some friends in front of our house. Our houses were in a four by four sort of lot with a big common area in the middle where all of the kids played. It was my friend Doug’s birthday so his mom made us all hotdogs for lunch.  We all sat down to eat on the benches. While I was eating my hot dog Doug’s little sister- who was two- came up to me with a hotdog in one hand and a handful of mustard in the other. Before I could react she slapped me square in the face with her handful of mustard. I thought this was hilarious- She was a super cute little red haired girl and she was giggling her face off at what she had done to me. We were all laughing. My laughter stopped when Doug said “THAT’S NOT MUSTARD-THAT’S DIARRHEA”.    As he said that I began to smell and taste it – I also saw her digging in her diaper for another handful.  I got the hell out of there and ran back to my house and turned the hose on my face for a good five minutes.  Then I started to laugh again. For years after that my hotdogs went mustardless.   

A DAY AT THE WRECKERS

The year 1993 (or so)

Every once in a while I would make a trip to various auto wrecker yards. I would check out to see if anybody had trashed a Neon that I could strip for parts. A Plymouth Neon- now that’s a man’s car. Newer totalled cars to the lot were placed close to the front of the yard. There were no Neon’s in the bunch but I did spy a Toyota Corolla- looked to be in good shape. My friend had a Corolla which was in need of some upgrades so I went to check it out. I had my big tool kit with me so I plunked it down beside the car – opened the car – sat down and went to it. I took off the driver’s side sun visor (with lighted mirror) - The ceiling dome + light – all the buttons on the steering wheel that controlled the stereo and such.  I was just about to remove the leather covered lid to the center arm rest consol when I hear “HEY-THATS NOT A WRECKER THATS THE BOOSSES CAR”.  I SAID “OOPS- SORRY – DIDNT KNOW”.  He didn’t know I had already removed items and put them in my tool box- so I got out of the car and got the hell out of there before the “THE BOSS” came back and tore a strip out of me. I had a moment when I thought – maybe I should put it back- but that would have take too much time and I would have been in shit if I got caught. I would have liked to seen his face when he got into his car and half of his interior was missing.      

MOVIE REVIEWS OF THE WEEK

THE THING (2011)

This was actually a not bad prequel/remake. It didn’t have the same on the edge of your seat intensity as the original. Let’s face it the original was a classic- not going to get much better. The music was scary; special effects were just starting to get cool - and great actors. For today’s standards is was still a good movie. I enjoyed it, my kids enjoyed it (though not for kids, mine love a good scare) - wife not so much. It had some great special effects and monster/alien scenes. It leaves of where the original begins (if that makes sense).

AMITYVILLE HAUNTINGS

This one was tough to get through. Very slow and boring-nothing even remotely scary here. Nothing will ever beat the original. The original Amityville Horror to me is probably the scariest movies of all time. I saw it in the theatre when it first came out. I saw most of it through my fingers trying to shield myself from being terrified.  This remake/sequel tries to imitate “The Blair Witch Project” + “Paranormal Activity” but doesn’t even come close.  A new family moves into the house of legend and things start to happen- dad goes crazy- blah blah blah. Total waste of time.

REAL STEEL

This was an ok movie. Typical estranged father- little kid movie. Kid hates the dad-dad doesn’t want the kid- they love each other in the end. It had some great giant robot boxing scenes and a sappy underdog thing going-a classic feel good movie. It was well worth the watch. Good for adults and kids alike.

FINAL DESTINATION 5

Typical final destination fare- new scenario but same gruesome accidental death scenes.  Always good for a watch.

FRIGHT NIGHT (2011)

Yet another 80’s remake. I thought this was for sure going to suck because I love the original. Turned out really  good. Great special effects- some really good actors.  Best character “Peter Vincent” vampire hunter. More comical than the Roddy McDowall original- alot of good funny lines. I am not a big Colin Farrell fan but he was a good evil vampire in this one. There was even a cameo with the original “GERRY” the vampire from the 80’s. There was also a good job from “MCLOVIN” as Evil Ed- the nerdy vampire victim.

PIC OF THE DAY - MY GRANDFATHERS FARM FLOODED IN 1950

QUICK TV REVIEWS OF THE WEEK

STORAGE WARS- TEXAS

Some good new characters. Keep watching.

DEATH VALLEY

Its “COPS” with a twist – Zombies, werewolves and vampires are plaguing the city and the UTF (undead task force) are followed by a camera crew. Great show- comedy action and gore, what more can you ask for.

THE WALKING DEAD

Can’t wait for this to start again – awesome last episode.

WAREHOUSE 13 

Do you remember a show in the 80’s called “FRIDAY THE 13” – same deal.  A group of experts track down cursed and haunted items to store in a secure warehouse.  Its ok so far will keep watching.

HELL ON WHEELS 

Just started watching this AMC western and it is actually quite good. Based on the building of the railway after the civil war.  Great characters, good storyline and lots of shootin. Don’t cross the SWEED.

GOOD NEWS -  “LESS THAN KIND”-  Winnipeg shot sitcom started last night. Season 3. Very good show. Great actors - funny show with a serious side. Season 3 starts with the loss of the family’s father who actually died in real life. Rest in peace Maury Chakin- you will be missed.

GEARBOX BASTARDS

The year 1988.

I have to admit I was a bit of a speed demon in my younger years and had racked up a few speeding tickets. Once you hit six demerits you had to go down to the license department to have your license reviewed.  My buddy Dale had nothing to do so he went for a ride with me. When we got there the line up was long. I took my spot in line and waited. The guy ahead of me was a fairly large fellow- I would say 6 foot 3, around 300 pounds. He was dressed in jeans, cowboy boots, jean shirt and a cowhide sleeveless vest.  On this vest were about 300 buttons – the kind with catchphrases on then like – “kiss me I’m Irish”   -movies, various pins and you name it. I would best describe him as a cowboy nut job. As we waited in line he would mumble to himself- turn around and give me dirty looks, swear, and fidget around.  The longer we waited in line the more agitated he got. Dale was in the waiting area just off to my left about 15 feet away. We would exchange odd glances to each other mimicking him while his back was turned.  It was about 45 minutes before he got to the teller, he was fuming. I heard the teller say “Well, you been in four accidents that were all your fault so with your demerits your license comes to $1,500 dollars.”  He exploded- “WHAT THE FUCK, ARE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS CRAZY, I’M NOT PAYING THAT”.   Then he said something I still haven’t figured out what it means.  “IM GOING TO KILL YOU GEARBOX BASTARDS”.  He then turned around to glare at everybody behind him with fists clenched, me right in front of him. While he is doing this I see Dale get up off his chair- he starts jumping up and down like a monkey and making faces at me imitating this lunatic. The nut job can’t see Dale but I do, I start to smile and laugh. He sees me laughing and comes closer to me, about a foot away – He says “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT” – He stares at me for about 15 seconds. I’m still trying not to laugh because Dale is still making faces at me.  He finally turns around and starts yelling at the clerk again – using the “GEARBOX BASTARDS” comment. He continues to swear and threaten the staff. All of a sudden two cops burst through a side door and tackle this maniac to the ground- handcuff him and haul him away. I retake my place in line – pay a $150 bucks for my license and get the hell out of there.   If anybody knows what a "gearbox bastard" is give me a shout. 

RESTAURANT REVIEWS OF THE WEEK

KAWAII CREPE

Went with the family to this small eatery for brunch. It’s a waffle cone style crepe. I had the pulled pork crepe which was just OK. Nothing special, a little difficult to eat because you have to hold it like an ice cream cone. It kept ripping on me and got a little messy.  My wife had the breakfast crepe which she said was very good, and my kids had the strawberry nutella crepe which they also enjoyed. The staff was friendly and very helpful. The restaurant was quite small, but clean and quiet. I will give it another go and see what happens.

LOVEYS

Heard good things about this BBQ restaurant. Turns out they were wrong. My pulled pork and brisket combo was dry and tasteless. My wife’s meal was equally bland.  The topper to the meal was the emergency stop we had to make 3 minutes after we left. I had to pull over at the nearest gas station because my pulled pork was trying to make a hasty exit out my colon. When I finally got back to the car I found my wife missing – she too had to run into the bathroom for an emergency evacuation.  My sister received a gift certificate to the restaurant so she thought she would give it a go (after my warnings). Guess what – same bland meal- and although not immediately, the next day was spent on the crapper.    I will not be back.

LOS CHICOS

I really enjoyed this restaurant. The food was excellent with great service and friendly staff. I had the big burrito meal which had great taste and good portions. Free chips and salsa were tasty.  Only down side was the seating. Some table are quite small and close together. I would highly recommend this place. There are not too many Mexican eateries in the city.

PALATAL EXPRESS

Still the best place to eat in the city. I go once a week.

DRUNK DRIVING IDIOTS MAKE ME MAD

I had just arrived at my favorite restaurant "PALATAL EXPRESS" with my family when this occurred.
I parked the car and got out of the car - I opened the back door to let my 3 year old son out of his car seat.
All of a sudden I hear a crunching sound coming from behind me. I turn around to see a car backing up into my opened door- and his bumper is splitting in the middle because of the pressure of my opened door. I repeatedly slam my fist on to his trunk lid. He finally stops - pulls ahead a foot and puts it in reverse again and starts to back up. While I start to hammer his trunk again my wife runs to this car and screams at the driver. All she sees is a guy - eyes half closed, obviously drunk out of his tree who completely ignores her. He finally put it in drive and drives out of the parking lot.  Downtown is FULL of morons.
A light green Chrysler Sebring licence plate # FGS 656 -      Be on the lookout for the drunk driving idiot.

PIC OF THE DAY - ENSIGN PARKER- CUTEST STARFLEET BABY

PIC OF THE DAY - PAC-HAM

PIC OF THE DAY