SISTER WIVES / BRAINWASHED WIVES

How in this day and age can this kind of thing go on you ask? I’ll tell you – Brainwashing little girls from birth to adulthood that men are in charge and you are just there to serve him and give him babies. Women do all the work while the husband can go from wife to wife fulfilling his needs. What kind of person would do that to their daughter? Someone who has been brainwashed themselves. They say they’re not a cult but it sure looks like that to me. Cult leaders are usually wing nuts that once belonged to a regular church but decided to turn it into something more beneficial to them. So one day this wing nut thinks “IT WOULD BE COOL TO HAVE A FEW WIVES, WHEN I GET BORED OF ONE I WILL JUST GO VISIT THE OTHER ONE. I'M SURE I CAN FIND A FEW SUCKERS TO GO ALONG”  

BOOM – A new religion is born.

Gradually he will find other wing nuts like himself and together start breeding a whole cult with himself as the Grand Poo bah.

The women on this show say it’s a struggle to make enough money to pay the bills but whoa hold the phone- the grand poo bah of the family wants another wife with two kids of her own.  They say “oh it was our idea to invite her into the group”. Then why are you crying about being lonely and jealous, and find it difficult to deal with.  Why? Because the grand poo bah who started this whole cult added a new page to the bible so you have to do whatever he says. You might go to hell if you deny your husband another wife.

The man of this house looks like a greasy car salesman. Every time a serious question or problems come to him his eyes glass over and he just stares into space like a zombie – thinking “these girls better work this out, wife number five is coming”. These 18 odd kids or so can’t have much of a father. He works on a 4 shift rotation schedule- meaning he is only with one sister wife every four days. So those kids don’t see their dad for 4 days.  I would imagine he works (which they never really show – just “plans he has) so the shift he has with the one wife and kids probable is only for about 5 hours or so. I guess you can do some great parenting 5 hours every 4 days. I don’t see how they can pay for four houses, feed and clothe and take care of 18 kids with just two of the whole family working. I know TLC pays them for doing the show – but when the rating drop what are they going to do.  They already had to pull up stakes and move out of their home state and move to Las Vegas (SIN CITY) because he was probably going to get arrested. They are going to have to spice that show up and introduce a fifth crazy ass wife like Snookie or something. I’m hoping they throw in another dude in the mix- I hear Charlie Sheen needs a job.

MOVIE AND TV REVIEWS OF THE WEEK

CONTAGION

This was a very slow moving movie but it was very good and well acted. A lot of big name stars in this one. Some made it some didn’t. It was kind of scary/depressing thinking that something like this could very well happen- and has happened to a lesser extent. After watching this I immediately went to the drug store and bought some face masks and gloves. “COVER YOUR COUGH PEOPLE, COVER YOUR COUGH”

DEXTER – END OF SEASON FINALLY

The final season episode of Dexter was the first real cliff hanger ending. All the other seasons came to a more or less conclusion.  This one left me thinking “HOLY CRAP – WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW” –or in Dexter’s words “OH MY GOD”. The worst thing about this is - I HAVE TO WAIT ALMOST A WHOLE FREAKIN YEAR TO FIND OUT – AAAAUUUUGH.  My prediction- Deb and Dexter team up and decide when to arrest and when to dish out justice.

JINGLE ALL THE WAY

I forgot just how funny this movie was. My kids loved it. Funniest part was an elf getting punched across the room by a giant Santa. Even if Arnold isn’t the greatest actor (or husband) he still has a truckload of good movies.

DEAR 16 YEAR OLD ME -- EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH

DESTRUCTION ON DAKOTA

WHAT HAPPENED- DRUNK DRIVING, TEXTING WHILE DRIVING, SMOKING WHILE DRIVING -  DOESN'T  MATTER  IT  WAS  PROBABLY  A HONDA

PIC OF THE DAY

PIC OF THE DAY - DEXTER'S WISDOM

VIDEO OF THE DAY - WORK FOOD HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME

STUPID THINGS I REMEMBER FROM WHEN I WAS A KID

GRADE 5 – My best friend Steve was warned by the teacher (Mrs. Bonkowski) not to make any more fart noises with his armpit. Five minutes later gets caught again. His punishment – must stand on his desk in front of the whole class and fart with his armpit for a half hour.  He thought it was funny for the first few minutes- then he got tired and it soon became torture.

Steve again thought it was funny to stand on his desk and imitate same teacher (Mrs. Bonkowski) not knowing she was just entering the class. Punishment – A hard five across the lips. Mrs. Bonkowski didn’t fool around.  Was actually a super nice teacher but Steve got on her nerves.

Steve again. Grabbed the big stapler off Mrs. Bonkowski’s desk, put his thumb between the stapler and base and asked “ANYONE DARE ME TO DO IT”  -  Another kid in my class came up behind him and said “YA I DO” and slammed the stapler down on his thumb. The staple went right into his thumb nail all the way – the nurse had to take it out. OUCH.

Steve used to spray things with his mom’s hairspray and light it on fire, dolls, toys, anything – looked cool and if you dropped it in water right away the object didn’t burn just the hairspray on top.  He then got the bright idea to spray his arm with hairspray and light it on fire- which he did. It was cool to watch for sure, but it burned faster than he thought and went up his whole arm. Good thing I was on hand with the hose or he would have burned himself even worse.

Unfortunately for Steve - alcohol got the better off him at the young age of fourteen. He drowned passed out in two feet of water. Rest in peace buddy.  Kids stay away from the booze and drugs.

PEDESTRIAN POLICE IDIOT

I was driving downtown the other day on Portage Ave when this happened. Traffic came to a sudden stop and I found myself in the middle of a crossroads- blocking the one way street to my right. I have to get out of the way- so I crank it to the left so I can pull up ahead into the crosswalk to get out of the way of traffic. A pedestrian who has already walked past where my car is now and is in front of the car to my left- stops, gives me the stink eye and points to the walk sign flashing and waves his other arm down toward the crosswalk.  Instead of getting out of my car and beating him with my snowbrush like I wanted – I stick both my arms out waving them around- point at the sign and do the SPAZ face- mocking his reaction. He looks at me clearing getting more upset (which was my intent) takes a few steps and turns back to look at me again to stink eye me. I beat him to the punch and wave my arms around again even more like an idiot and do the Spaz face pointing to the sign. He throws his arm down in disgust and keeps on walking.  I inconvenienced him in no way. I had to get out of the way of traffic. If I blocked his way and he had to detour around- sure give me the stink eye-my bad. But when he was already past me- just mind your own business and keep on walking loser.

GOSSIP - THE AWFUL TRUTH

 Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchor break up. Whoop Dee doo- big surprise. You know what I hate- When a story leaks in one of the gossip magazines that so and so cheated on their wife and the marriage is on the outs – then the couple put on a big show and say rumours are false everything is fantastic. Claim the gossip magazine is lying- big uproar. Two weeks later we find out everything in the story is true and they are broken up. This stall tactic is just so they can do something for charity and good causes to make us forget what real assholes and dipshits these clowns really are. What I’ve learned is 99.9 percent of all these gossip stories turn out to be true- it just takes some time to get the truth out there. If you’re a big Hollywood star and you beat your wife, cheat, steal husbands, go on a rant about a minority, you name it- all you have to do is go to a poor country and play with a poor starving kid and you will be the best actor in the world and everyone will forget the heinous things you’ve done.

Good work Hollywood

TV NEWS AND REVIEWS

Good news- Dexter has been picked up for two more seasons.

TERRA NOVA – not a bad show, keeping my interest.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY – not sure who’s a ghost and who’s not, but keeping my interest.

GRIMM - not bad so far, will continue to watch.

THE WALKING DEAD –   a little slow this season but ok.

BONES   – slow so far, but will still watch.

SUPERNATURAL - always a good show.

MIKE AND MOLLY - great show very funny.

THE BIG BANG THEORY - strong as ever, great show.

MOVIE REVIEWS OF THE WEEK

HORRIBLE BOSSES

This movie was very funny. It was never boring and full of laughs. Most of the laughs came from the extremely crude sexual humour. Original story and good actors. Some very funny laugh out loud moments.

SUPER 8

I had heard bad things about this movie but I thought it was awesome. It reminded me of one of my favourite movies “THE MONSTER SQUAD”. About a bunch of kids who gather they’re courage and fight a monster and save the day. Super 8 had some great action and special effects scenes. A great young cast and a good story. I wasn’t bored for a second. Highly recommended.

THE HANGOVER II

To make a long story short –watch Hangover 1. Carbon copy story with a lot less laughs. I think I may have chuckled once or twice. Waste of my time.

CRAZY STUPID LOVE

This movie should have been called CRAZY STUPID GARBAGE. Steve Carrel’s wife leaves him and he finds himself in the dating game again.  Not a laugh the entire movie. Two hours I will never get back. I don’t know how I got through it. I was hoping my TV or brain would explode so I did not have to finish it. If it wasn’t for Ryan Gosling My wife would have pulled the plug as well. 

MY 3 YEAR OLD GETTING SCARED BY FAKE VIDEO GAME WITH SCREAMING GHOST

PIC OF THE DAY - GET READY NORTH AMERICA, WHEN THESE BABY'S DRY OUT - MORE TOP QUALITY PRODUCTS FROM HONDA

YET ANOTHER PARKING POLICE AND HONDA IDIOT

So I’m at Safeway the other day – I drop my wife at the front door and find a place to park. I want a spot up-close because she is only going to be 5 minutes and I don’t want to drag 3 kids in.  I see a spot ( a pedestrian entrance off the main road ). I am only going to be there for 5 minutes and I can easily move if someone comes.  As I am backing up I see a guy and his girlfriend get out of a “Honda “and give me the stink eye. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says “THATS NOT A PARKING SPOT”. I don’t know if he meant for me to hear this or just trying to impress his girlfriend. My window was down so I clearly heard him. I reply “IT IS NOW”. They don’t look back or reply. I know they heard because I yelled it out. I then turn to look at their car. Their shit ass Honda is parked in a staff only “RESERVED PARKING”. A few minutes later I see these two losers coming out of the store heading my way. As they get close to their car I yell “LOOK WHERE YOU PARKED IDIOT – CANT YOU READ” Neither of them look at me – they get in their crap mobile and drive off. Where’s your big mouth now.  If my parking interferes with you in some way- sure give me shit.  If it has nothing to do with you SHUT UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSSINESS. Especially when you yourself park illegally.

STRONG WINDS BLEW MY FENCE DOWN AND MOST OF NEIGHBORS

PIC OF THE DAY - IS THIS GUY AND IDIOT OR BRAGGER -YOU DECIDE

MY GHOST STORY

The year 1989 – Friday night.

 My buddy Dale had forgotten his text-books at school. (Red River Community College) and had to go back and get them so he could study. I had nothing to do so I told him I would go along for the ride. It was about 8:30 – 9:00, just getting dark. We turn off the perimeter onto Brookside Blvd.

(side story)

When Dale drove if he saw somebody walking on the road he would drive straight at them then veer off at the last second. People would usually freak out and run to get out of the way.

So we’re driving down Brookside heading toward Red River. Off in the distance we see a figure on the road. I knew exactly what Dale was going to do-which he did. He steered the car into the middle of both lanes and sped up- heading right towards him. As we got closer I could see it was a guy wearing a hoodie and jeans- looked like a skater kid. Closer and closer we got. We were about 40 – 50 feet away (I could see this kid clearly) when Dale jerked the wheel to veer off to the side to avoid him. But the second he did that whoever or whatever that was disappeared- vanished right before our eyes. We both said nothing. I couldn’t think straight. Goosebumps covered my body. I was thinking “Did I just see that”- “Did I just imagine that”. “Did he see that”. He must have seen him why else would he have swerved like that. More silence. We reach the school and park in the lot. Dale looks at me and says “I don’t want to say this, but, did you see that”. More Goosebumps. Just to make sure I don’t sound crazy I say “What”. Dale says “That guy disappear in front of the cemetery”.   At that moment I think my whole body became one giant Goosebump with a shiver down my spine to boot.  I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS A CEMETERY!!!!!!.    I said “yes”.  His jaw dropped. I said what “did he look like”?  He saw the same hooded thing I saw. He always used to bug me because I would watch documentaries on ghosts and the supernatural – told me that was a bunch of crap – until after that night. I will never forget that experience.

Ghost Story #2   

My family moved in 1979 to a house in East Kildonan. All the time I lived there I always had nightmares about the basement.  It would always the same type of dream. I would be walking up the basement stairs and see the door closet to the stairs slowly open. I knew something was going to come out to get me so I would run up the stairs. In your dreams though you legs always weigh 400 hundred pounds so getting up the stairs was near impossible. I would wake up with a jolt all sweaty. Eventually when my brothers and sisters moved out the basement became my living room. I had a TV, couch, and furniture all set up like my little apartment.    

One night I was watching TV by myself on the couch. I looked at the clock on the wall. It said 2:10.   It wasn’t 2:10 -it was like 8:30. I checked the weather station- it said the correct time was 8:26 PM. I turned the hands of the clock to the correct time and thought this thing needs a new battery. I also thought I need some pumpkin pie before my show starts. I went upstairs to get my pie and headed back down. I sat on the couch and was just about to start on the pie when I looked at the clock. It said 2:10 –AGAIN. While I was staring at the clock trying to remember if I had set it back to the correct time- I heard a springing snap sound. The big hand of the clock popped off-flew through the air and landed right by my feet. I got up (took my pie with me) went upstairs (with a quick check behind me) - and spent the rest of the night with my Dad upstairs watching TV. I left the lights and TV on in the basement, didn’t go back until the next morning. I went downstairs, picked up the clock hand off the floor, took the clock off the wall- and took them outside to the garbage. I haven't been attacked by a clock since.

THE NEW REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP 1/2 POUND

I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE IT IN ONE SITTING. THATS A BIG F-N CUP

PIC OF THE DAY - GREAT GENERAL LEE REPLICA SEEN AT OUTLET MALL

PIC OF THE DAY

THOSE CRAZY DAYS AT CHI CHI'S

The year 1986- my first job after high school was at Chi Chi’s restaurant on Regent. I started off as a dishwasher but after a month worked my way up to cold food preparation/line cook/receiver/jack of all trades.  Food wars in the kitchen were common; you always had to watch your back in case a tomato or guacamole was fired at your head. My best wars were with my buddy Brian. It started off tame but quickly escalated to painful. He first upped the ante with a raw hamburger patty. I was crouching down getting something out of the oven when he came out of nowhere and slapped that raw patty with all his force – square in the middle of my back. Every square inch of that patty hit me. They probably heard the smack in the dining room. All I could do was fall to the ground and writhe in pain. That is still the most pain I have ever been in.  The next day I went into the fridge- took out five or so lemons- squeezed a cupful of juice out of them. I then walked to the back area where Brian was doing inventory. I was pretending to drink my juice (he didn’t know what it was) while talking to him.  I said “Boy, that freakin hurt yesterday, I wonder if this will feel the same” – He said “WHAT?” I then threw the cup of juice right in his face. Let me tell you folks lemon juice burns. He was screaming, laughing, and choking all at the same time. He ran to the bathroom to rinse his face and eyes out. When he finally came out of the can he looked like he hadn’t slept in three years. His eyes were red like fire- could barely open them. He laughed and said “GOOD ONE – WAIT TILL TOMORROW”.  I laughed but I was really scared.  We were really good friends (I was in his wedding party) and it was 100% all in fun- but it this was getting dangerous. I thought to myself “I’m going to end up in the hospital tomorrow”.  The next day I came to work looking around every corner, behind me, above me, everywhere. Half way through work I was in the middle of the kitchen making salsa when I heard a scream “BONZAAI”.   I turn around to see Brian rounding the corner with some kind of giant orange ball. (I later found out it was a giant cheese ball that was soaked in water and frozen in the freezer). I saw him pull his arm back like a baseball pitcher- I dived for cover. He was so in THE ZONE of kill he didn’t see he was standing under the metal canopy over the stove. His arm came over to throw the ball of death but it was stopped as he slammed his hand into the canopy full force. This time his scream was in pain. As it turns out he was the one who had to go to the hospital. He had a badly sprained wrist, a broken finger, and four fingernails which turned black and eventually fell off. He called me later that night and we agreed to a truce. When he came back to work a few days later we both made our own giant cheeseball of death- took some decorative plates from the dining room wall, lined them up on the fence and let the cheeseballs fly.

Other notable events - A kitchen manager stabbed a mouse on the floor with a fork in the dining room before customers saw it.

We used to get ground beef in packages, open them and dump them in a big tote container- then put it in the fridge. A tub was misplaced and left in the back room; other boxes got piled on top of it. A month later I’m cleaning the storeroom when I find this tub, I open it not knowing what’s inside. I immediately get smacked in the face with a stench that almost floors me. It was a hundred pounds of oozing blue green brown slimy soup of rotten meat.   I’m sure it moved. I had a flashback of “THE FRUIT” (SEE EARLIER BLOG) and thought it had finally found me. That was scary.

Word got around Chi Chi’s that Darcy (the 6 foot 3 line cook) saw a rat outside by the dumpster that was as big as a cat- and he majorly freaked out and wouldn’t take the garbage out anymore. I took this opportunity to go to the store and buy a big fake rubber rat which I put in the store room on a shelf behind a box.  I ask Darcy to get me a box of canned tomatoes.  He goes to the storeroom with me following him closely behind. He grabs the box but doesn’t see the rat- so I say “what’s that” and point to it. He turns- sees it- starts screaming like a girl- knocks me down and tramples me in his mad terrified frenzy to escape. I hurt my elbow but it was well worth it. On a side note - about 5 years later when I worked at Club Regent I myself saw a rat that was as big if not bigger than a cat.

QUICK MOVIE REVIEWS

CASE 39       - Movie was not bad, a little predictable but ok to watch.
AVATAR      - Did not enjoy this over long cartoon at all. 2 hours too long.
QUARANTINE 2   - This was actually a very good zombie flick, great action decent story
X-MEN- FIRST CLASS  -  I am not a big fan of the x-men pics. This is the best one. I really enjoyed it.
TRUE GRIT (remake)  -  Not very exciting, very slow (i fell asleep once) and worst of all no John Wayne.  

VIDEO OF THE DAY- KATE PERRY SPOOF(LAST FRIDAY 13 NIGHT) courtesey of VBROCKLADYV

PIC OF THE DAY - WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS

PIC OF THE DAY - DOES IT NEED ANY EXPLANATION

PIC OF THE DAY- EVIL BERT

"THE FRUIT"

The year was 1981 – grade 7. An experiment was started.  What would my ham sandwich look like if I put it in a margarine container and kept it in my locker at school for a week?

Well after a week it was of course mouldy and smelly – it also shrunk a little bit. It was decided to add leftover lunch items as space became available. After 8 months “THE FRUIT” as it was affectionately called built up an excess of gas and exploded in my locker. That was a nasty clean-up. It was given a proper burial in the schools backfield. It was then decided that the experiment must continue. I got a giant glass mason jar (jam jar) with a metal lid and rubber seal – this was a big ass jar – it would hold the beast. The process started again. The experiment would last until 1986- 5 years.  Slowly bits of every type of food were added the first couple of years, along with other objects which included- Plastic army men, hot wheels cars, quarters, nickels, dimes, dead insects etc. These were added to see if they would be “eaten” by “THE FRUIT”.

“THE FRUIT” was kept in my garage in-between school years – but was always brought back to my locker the first day of school. After the first couple of years the jar was filled to capacity and turned into a semi-liquid every color in the rainbow jar of goo. Some things disappeared in it others like the hot wheels car remained visible. Masks and gloves were to be worn at all times if the jar was opened for fear of gas fumes, burns to flesh and possible experiment escape. (it moved inside that jar like it was alive- I’m not joking) The girls with the locker beside mine were afraid of it, but respected its power. I assured them it was under control. One day when I was walking down the hallway to science class I saw a quick flash of something small running down the hallway. I thought “HOLY SHIT ITS LOOSE”. Then I saw it was a chicken someone had let free in the hallway as a prank. I breathed a sigh of relief. Grade 12 came to an end – I brought “THE FRUIT” home.   Dale, Hugh and I opened the fruit one last time and dared each other to take a whiff. We tried to light it on fire to see if it had become flammable -lit a match to it (no dice).  We put the lid back on and gave it a proper burial in my back yard. One day it’s going to break free and go on a rampage looking for its creator / or / explode and take out a few city blocks. I am glad I moved out of the neighbourhood. Hugh still lives in the same house- it will find him first and devour him-giving me some warning and time to get the hell out of town.

ORIGINAL "THE FRUIT"

CLASSIC VIDEO- "BD-THE MOVIE"

CLASSIC COMMERCIAL FROM 1984- CAMERON HILL FURNITURE CO-OP

MOVIE REVIEW- THOR

I did not have high hopes for this movie but I thought I would give it a go. Turns out it was pretty good. The acting was pretty impressive and the special effects were even better. The fight scene with the icemen was the highlight. There was a lot of unexpected humour that was quite funny, mostly coming from the actor   Chris Helmsworth  who played THOR. He was a perfect fit for the part. I am looking forward to seeing the AVENGERS – should be quite action packed. Next on my list will be CAPTAIN AMERICA- heard it was “ok”. I will let you know.

KING TUT EXHIBIT

KING TUT EXHIBIT

The King Tut exhibit at the Minneapolis Museum was in one word “AMAZING”. I have been a King Tut and Egyptian fan since grade 2. To actually see with my own eyes- objects I have seen only in pictures was incredible. My only disappointment was that you were not allowed to take pictures. It was because of these objects were sensitive to flash’s.  I am a picture taker and that was a killer for me not to take any.  Object that were in the exhibit were

-          A bed – the one in the famous picture of the first chamber. A museum employee told me how the bed was damaged by the priests after an early break in. The priests put the bed back on a pile of objects and a horn of the cow statue went through the reed material. You can clearly see it in the original picture.

-          A chair used by Tut as a child

-          His necklaces, earnings, belt buckle, wrist bracelets

-          The mini sarcophagus- just like his main coffin-  used to hold his stomach

-          An exact replica of his mummy made from special CT scans and imagery

-          His golden sandals (on the mummy)

-          His gold fingers and toes covers (on the mummy)

-          His fan with superimposed 3d feathers- made from a picture taken before the original feathers turned to dust after the tomb was opened

-           A giant 20 foot statue of Tut

-          A checkers like game board and pieces

-          His miniature boat made to take him into the afterlife

-         

The only thing which was not there which I really wanted to see was his death mask. That to me is the most amazing object in history. It is considered too fragile and does not leave Egypt.

Other interesting Egyptian artifacts were

-          A cat sarcophagus with mummified cat inside which belonged to Ramses 2 

-          A golden death mask belonging to   PSUSENNES 1   which was beautiful.

-          Countless statues 

A TON OF OTHER AMAZING ARTIFACTS

MAN'S BEST FRIEND

Everybody has stories about their dog. Here are some from my dog Bandit (RIP).  Bandit was a border-collie/husky. He looked like a border/collie but twice the size. He had one blue eye and one brown.

-        Got so scared during a thunderstorm he chewed the steel handle off the outside tap-nothing left but pieces

-        Jumped out of my car while I was driving (50 km) trying to get to another dog- he loved to fight. I could see him in my rear view mirror doing somersaults on the pavement- he got to his feet and chased that dog down the street. Ripped off one of his paw pads in the process.

-        Again while chasing another dog took a corner too fast and went head first into a chain link fence doing his best accordion impression. Got to his feet and continued the chase.

-        After Thanksgiving I gave him all the leftovers on a metal pie plate. He ate all the leftovers and the pie plate.

-        Was woken up at 7:00 am by a McDonald’s employee to come and pick him up. He had jumped my 6 foot fence- ran 5-6 blocks and crossed Henderson hwy during morning rush hour. When I got there he was sitting by the front entrance with his best “I’m starving- please give me a Big-Mac “ face.

-        Ate about 92% of my friends brand new leather runners

-        Stripped of all the leather from my new lazy-boy recliner

-        Had a major scrap with a semi-tame wolf (who was twice his size). I went to visit my friend who had just come back from a long stay in the Yukon. Little did I know he had brought back this wolf with him. I brought Bandit with me – we got out of the car and headed for the back yard. Bandit ran ahead of me. When I got to the back Bandit was nose to nose with this giant. Neither dog was moving, just eyeballing each other. Then somebody twitched and the fight was on. It was quite the struggle to pull these two apart. One of the two bit my friends hand pretty good. I’m not a fan of dog fights but that was a good one, Bandit held his own with this monster. I was proud.

-        He ate an entire 1 pound chocolate rabbit and lived to tell the tale. (chocolate is poison to dogs)

-         Got locked by accident in a basement room- chewed his way through the door.

-        Had both top fangs removed. Both cracked

-        Had the tops of both ears amputated due to some medical problem. Pockets formed inside his ears and filed with blood, had to have them stitched and the tops cut off.

-        1 bad seizure (cause unknown)

-        Loved to fight-but would take all the abuse my cat Oreo could dish out. After the first year they became lifelong friends. He loved my other cats Muffy and Sammy as well.

-        Extreme arthritis in his back legs finally took its toll on him in his 16^th year. That’s amazing for a dog his size. He was a great dog and an even greater friend. I miss him.   

SPEED AND DONUTS

The year was 1989 or so.

 The place somewhere in sticksville USA.

 Me and my buddies Hugh and Dale were on a road trip to California. I was driving Hugh’s parent’s station wagon. I was going a good 130 km- 140km when I see a state trooper patrol car on the opposite side of the highway flip his lights on- drive into the ditch and start heading my way.  I pulled over and he comes to the window and say’s “do you know how fast you were going”. I said ya I was going pretty fast. He says”it took me a while to catch up”. He goes on to say “well you have two choices”

1.” I can give you a ticket and you can come back here in a month for a court date”   or

2. “You can give me a hundred bucks right now and me and my partner can go for donuts”

I quickly pulled out my wallet and forked over the hundred bucks. I’m not above bribing the law. I guess that’s southern justice for you.

PIC OF THE DAY- PLAYBOY BUNNY IMAGE BURNED INTO MY GRASS

MOVIE REVIEW - UNKNOWN

IN THIS MOVIE LIAM NEESON STARS AS A MAN WHO IS THE VICTIM OF MEMORY LOSS.  THIS MOVIE IS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM, PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHANGED, AND PEOPLE WHO ARE TWO PEOPLE. SOUNDS CONFUSING BUT IN THE END IT ALL MAKES SENSE. CAR CHASES, FIGHT SCENES, DRAMA, MYSTERY, POLITICAL INTRIGUE, THIS MOVIE HAS IT ALL.  EVEN THOUGH IT IS A BLATANT RIP OFF OF “TOTAL RECALL” – ARNOLD SWARTZENEGGER’S CLASSIC 80’S FLICK, (GREAT MOVIE).  UNKNOWN WAS NEVER BORING, HAD YOU WONDERING WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, AND KEPT ME ENTERTAINED THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH.  EVEN THE ENDING WAS GOOD.  IF YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO PICK IT UP I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

AMY WINEHOUSE

IF I HAVE TO HEAR ONE MORE STORY ABOUT AMY WHINEHOUSE AND THE 27 CLUB I THINK I AM GOING TO PUKE. SHE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A DRUG ADDICTED LOSER WHO MADE SHITTY MUSIC. WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP TREATING MORONS AND LOSERS LIKE HEROES AND LEAVE THEM IN THE DITCH WHERE THEY BELONG.

MOVIE REVIEW – THE WARD

This movie was tough to get through. At one point I had fallen asleep and had to go back, and another point I had shut it off and said forget it. But I was so bored I had to see how it ended. It was not worth the watch.  There was nothing scary or even startling. Very, very boring, predictable and poorly acted. Take my word for it – leave it on the rental shelf.  I don’t know what John Carpenter was thinking when he made this, but he should have stayed in bed.

CAT SCRATCH FEVER

Back in 2000 I was in my living room late one night watching TV. All of a sudden I hear a sound that resembled someone choking a cat, and its coming from my enclosed porch. I get up, go to the porch and see my three cats staring at one of the porch windows which is open. In the window is a big orange cat, just sitting there with that look that says “Ya I’m sitting in your window, what are you going to do about it”.  I’m thinking I had better get my cat’s outta here before all hell breaks loose.  I can see my cats getting ready to rumble, tails flicking fast, deep growls in their throat, hair standing up- the works.  I casually walk into the room and make a grab for Oreo (my biggest toughest cat) at that moment Muffy (my smallest cat) makes a break for the window. I try to toss Oreo out of the room but he leaps straight back towards the window. My other cat Sammy is hiding in the corner not sure if she should fight or get the hell out of there. My other two cats have officially gone ape-shit. I’m grabbing one the other one is slashing my arms and legs – back and forth- trying to get at this cat that has invaded their territory. After a few minutes I manage to grab Oreo and Sammy and whip them into the living room and shut the door. I go back in to get Muffy. She is in the window trying to scratch the other cat’s eyes out. I make a grab for her and she spins around and bites me full force on the forearm.  I grab her by the scruff and haul ass out of the porch. I get back into the living room to see my wife who has just woken up due to the cats screaming (and a little bit of my own). My arms are slashed and bitten to shreds, covered in blood.   I tell her to get back in the bedroom in case the cats are still in frenzy mode. I lock the cats in the basement and go back to the porch to shoo that orange cat out of the window, then go to the bathroom and clean my arms up. The complete circle bite mark on my arm hurts like hell and is swollen up. It gets infected and I had to go get a tetanus shot and some antibiotics.  I forgave my cats, didn’t hold a grudge. They were only trying to protect their property. Take it from me –Don’t mess with cats that have gone ape-shit crazy.  

MOVIE REVIEW - INSIDIOUS

I have to say I enjoyed this movie. It had and interesting story build-up and alot of genuinely creepy moments. It had a slight poltergeist-Esq feel to it. There was no gore or much special effects which was refreshing. I like a horror movie that has a good story line and real plain and simple scares. Don't get me wrong I love a good zombie gore fest, but that's not true horror to me. When your hair stands up on the back of your neck and you check around corners wherever you go, that's a good scare. Only a handful of movies have given me the true creeps and those are my favorites. I recommend you watch this by yourself and in a darkened room.

PIC OF THE DAY

MOVIE REVIEW - HALL PASS

I’m not a big fan of Owen Wilson but this movie was very funny.  Alot of vulgar adult humor, not for kids. It dragged a little towards the end with a little sap mixed in but overall very entertaining and well worth the watch.

WHAT HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS

When I was a kid I used to get up at 5:30-6:00 on Saturday morning to watch TV. There were all types of shows on all channels- All kids stuff. A mixture of new shows old shows, cartoon, real life, puppets – you name it.  It was on all morning till around 2:00. There was classic stuff like SPIDERMAN, THE FLINTSTONES, SCOOBY DOO, FAT ALBERT, TARZAN, SHAZAM, THE MONSTER SQUAD, THE WIZARD OF OZ/PINOCCHIO, THE MONKEYS, ISIS, ROCKET ROBIN HOOD, LAFF OLYMPICS, CAPTAIN CAVEMAN, H+R PUFF N STUFF, THE CROFT BROTHERS SUPERSHOW, THE PINK PANTHER, LAND OF THE LOST, THE FITZPATRICKS, THE ADDAMS FAMILY, THE MUNSTERS, ETC.  For 8 hours straight- I never left the couch. And you only saw them on Saturday morning, no other time. Today Saturday morning sucks, no different from any other day. You have your specialty channels now but most of the newer shows are lame. There is teletoon retro which is good, but you can tune in any time it’s not special. Nothing can compare to the Saturday marathon, it was awesome.  Friday night was equally awesome with “the night stalker” – Carl Kolchak was always one of my heroes - at 11:00 followed by the “chiller thriller” movie at midnight. I will always remember the opening sequence. It was a woman screaming and she was being dragged by a man or monster down a hallway- used to terrify me every time I saw it. There was also one with cartoon monsters eyes blinking at you on a dark screen. These were followed by “The night gallery”- scary twilight zone style shorts.  My sister used to wake me up so I could watch them with her. I remember the old tube style television that would make popping sounds when you would turn it off and on. It made sneaking up at night more difficult, especially when the TV would pop and make a bright circle which would slowly shrink to a dot when you had to make an emergency shut off when my mother would wake up.  You had to cover that dot with your thumb so she wouldn’t see it in the dark.  I miss those days of 2-3 hours sleep between Friday night and Saturday morning. Those were the days.

AWESOME COMMERCIAL OF THE DAY

THE TRIP FROM HELL AND HOW LINDA BLAIR SAVED THE DAY

Back in 1992 or so I went with my buddy Kevin on a weekend trip to Minneapolis. The purpose of the trip – SPOOKYWORLD- a three day horror convention. The stars of the show Linda Blair (the exorcist)+ Kane Hodder (Jason-Friday the 13^th) + Tiny Tim (tiptoe through the tulips). I had saved a lot of money so I could shop, buy stuff at the convention, and I also wanted to buy a video camera.  We left Friday morning and everything was fine until about 20 miles to our destination. My car a 1988 Dodge Daytona, started to chug and cough- getting progressively worse and worse. I pulled over to check it out but saw nothing (I’m no mechanic). We keep on truckin and my car is getting slower and slower. The last two miles or so we were probably cruising at about three miles an hour. We arrived at the little hotel and I parked in the front. I took my foot off the brake and my car uttered a last gasp and died. I got out of the car and immediately smelled something burning. I followed the smoke trail to the back end of the vehicle. I take a look under the car- my muffler and exhaust pipe are glowing red hot and smoking. We check in and I call the nearest garage and have my car towed in. $120 bucks. The mechanic say’s he will give me a call when they find out what the problem is. They call back a few hours later and tell me it’s the water pump. It’s going to cost $350+ to get it fixed. The worst part is that it’s a special model they don’t have in stock- it’s going to take 2-3 days to get it.   That means we will have to stay an extra day or 2, and both of work on Monday. GREAT. The convention is across town so now we need to rent a car. The car rental place is also across town so we have to call a cab. A 45 minute cab ride later I shell out another $65 dollars. Car rental for 2 days $150. It keeps getting better. We get back to the hotel in our white Grand Prix and the woman at the desk gives us a message. “They found the part at another garage and it will be ready tomorrow”. I guess that’s good news. Rented a car for nothing- oh well. The Woman at the front desk hears us talking about the convention we are going to and say’s “Hey my daughter is working at the convention; I can get you free tickets”. Finally some good news. Both of us are tired from running around so we hit the sack. We get woken up by the mechanic at 9:00 in the morning to say my car is ready. We drive over in the rental car to pick up my car- I shell out the $410 smackers in repairs and we both drive over to the rental place to drop off the car. We then finally head out to the convention on the outskirts of town. We get there and the place is lame city. There is hardly anybody there. There are a few interesting movie props, some memorabilia, a kiddie hayride, and a lame ass haunted maze. Kane Hodder did not even show up, and Tiny Tim looked like a half dead zombie (he actually did die about 3 weeks later). I got him to sign a Fangoria magazine I had. The highlight of the whole trip was Linda Blair. There was nobody even in line for her this place was so empty. I talked to her for about half an hour. I got her sign some photos, movie cases and other stuff. I told her I came all the way from Canada to see her. She was so happy she got out of her chair- came around the table and gave me a great big hug and a kiss. I thought to myself “hey were hitting it off- I’m 99.9 percent sure that if I ask her to dinner after the convention she will go”. Then I remember I have 3 dollars left to my name- so much for that plan, mission aborted.  The next day we head back home. I get back to my house and my Dad is watching a 20/20 episode doing a story on how small town garages are scamming out-of-towners with a “You need a new water pump” story, while your car only needs a five dollar part.   Son of’ a bitch.          

TALKING DOG VIDEO- HILARIOUS - SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL HUMANE SOCIETY

HOMETOWN HERO OR LOCAL PERV

I have come by some information concerning a certain Winnipeg sports star that I would like to share. This “star” that shall remain nameless has quite the sexual appetite.   A female acquaintance of mine was recently at a local bar when she was approached by a friend of the “star”. He asked her if her if she would like to go back to the “star’s” condo to meet up with him later. She agreed and off they went. When they arrived at the condo there were some other girls there who were with some more of the “stars” buddies. One thing led to another and my acquaintance ended up in the sack with “the buddy”. During this interlude in walks the “star”. He asks her if he could join the two in the sack. She says no I’m not into that, they yell at her to get out. She gets dressed quickly and leaves the room.  As she exits the condo she encounters the other girls she saw inside, one of the girls is crying. She asks what is wrong.  The girl says she left her jacket inside the condo but is too afraid to go back in to get it because they too were told to get out when they wouldn’t agree to a threesome. My acquaintance then realizes she left her car keys on the night stand in the bedroom.  She decides to go back in to get her keys and the other girl’s jacket. She enters the condo, goes into the bedroom to get her keys and what does she see – The so called hometown hero and his buddy double teaming some other girl. She quietly retrieves her keys- leaves the room and doesn’t look back fearing she will turn into a pillar of salt. In my opinion guys like this shouldn’t be looked up to as a hero, they should be looked down upon as someone who treats women like garbage and abuses his stardom. Come on girls use your head and smarten up-stop lowering yourself to this type of guy’s level.  Have respect for yourself. Don’t let yourself be treated like garbage. Don’t get yourself in a position where things could get out of hand.

Looking at this objectively- I can understand 1 guy with 2 girls – but I can’t see why you would want another dude in the mix. What’s wrong with people?

                                                                              HERO OR ZERO

                                                                       ATHLETE OR PORNSTAR

                                                                           YOU DO THE MATH